I hope all you non-turkeys out there have a great day with friends, family and other assorted loved ones. Eat, drink and be merry.
If you do happen to be a Turkey-American, well, um… my condolences to you and your family. In fact, let’s extend those condolences to all Stuffing-Americans, Cranberry-Americans, Potato-Americans and Pumpkin Pie-Americans, too. Your sacrifices are acknowledged and appreciated.
God bless America and pass the gravy.